Wild ARMs: Off on a Tangent
By: Chibi-chan
Part 11: “Feeling HOT! HOT! HOT!”
*
When Laine entered Adlehyde, things were in utter chaos. She heard from some of the townspeople conflicting stories that either featured the prince getting kidnapped or the prince running away again. Either way, there was a bounty on Elmina and Boomerang and they would at the very least be imprisoned if they even thought about stepping within the Adlehyde city limits again. Elmina, Cecil… you two can’t do anything quietly, can you? Laine thought.
*
Elmina, Cecil, and Boomerang stood before the locked door of the Volcannon Trap. “Well, this sucks. Any ideas on how to get in?” Elmina asked the two boys.
Boomerang was grinning madly behind his visor. “Oh, yes, I have one. Lucied!” The Guardian of Desire appeared before the door with a big bomb next to her. She quickly disappeared right before Boomerang, in a neat little trick, detonated the bomb with a shot from his sidearm. The resulting explosion startled Cecil enough to yelp and clutch Elmina tightly. “There, it’s opened. Shall we go?” the bounty hunter asked.
Cecil, realizing how silly he looked by holding onto Elmina like a scared child, let go of the warrior woman and dusted himself off. “Yes, let’s,’ he said, trying to regain his dignity.
*
Laine was just kicking back, relaxing in a room at the inn in Adlehyde when the shadow of a wolf, the Guardian of Desire, appeared next to her. Child, I have a favor to ask… Lucied said.
“Favor? Me?” Laine asked, puzzled as to why Jamie’s associate would come to her for help.
James has a destiny, but it does not include harming you, Lucied said calmly, I ask only that you do not kill him when the time for the confrontation comes.
“’The time for confrontation’? Does that mean there’s no way to avoid him until he just decides it’s not worth his effort to chase me?” Laine asked, a little disappointed.
Yes, but there is still plenty of time for you to prepare. The circle of light still reminds on the ground. When it falls from the sky, that will indicate the time is near. Until then, be safe, my child… With that, Lucied vanished.
Laine had to sit down after hearing that information. “’Circle of light’? Does she mean that Photosphere thing I’ve heard about? And that can’t fly… can it?”
*
“Let me get this straight,” Zed said, “You want me,” he points to himself, “a cute little fuzzy creature, scamper across hot lava,” he points to a pool of bubbling, steaming lava on the floor, “to get whatever’s in that,” he points to a treasure chest on the other side of the lava pool, “treasure chest over there for you?”
Elmina nodded. “Yes, that’s right.”
Zed cleared his throat, then yelled, “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND, WOMAN?!? What the hell makes you think I’m stupid enough to run over hot lava to get something that’s potentially worthless?!”
“The rat’s got a point,” Boomerang said.
“That’s mouse, pal, but thanks for the support,” Zed replied.
Cecil scooped up the Wind Mouse from his perch on Elmina’s arm. “Well, how about if you fly one way to get there?”
“Fly?” the mouse asked shortly before realizing what Cecil was talking about. He “eep!”ed and cried, “NO! NonononononononoNOOOOOOO!” before he found himself airborne. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before he met Mister Lava and had to start running.
Boomerang turned to Cecil. “Guardians, you throw like a girl,” he said, getting a glare from Cecil.
“Hey, that’s not nice!” Elmina protested. Cecil smiled at her for a moment until she finished her thought with, “I can throw a lot farther than him!”
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bounty hunter said.
Cecil crossed his arms and grumbled, “I don’t like either of you, you know that?”
A singed Zed, upon finishing his return with the treasure (which wasn’t worthless as he had assumed; Silver Harps, if nothing else, have a nice selling price), said, “Hey, that’s my line!”
*
Lava. Burning, searing lava. More lava than anyone would want to see in their life. Lava all over the floor in pools. Fun times would not be in the foreseeable future if our inane~ er, intrepid heroes if they couldn’t find a safe way across. Well, for them anyway. In the words of Mel Brooks, “Tragedy is when I cut my thumb. Comedy is when you fall into a sewer and die.”
“Well, this is just great,” Cecil complained, “Now what do we do?”
“Why don’t you run real fast across it?” Zed grumbled.
“I said I was sorry you didn’t make it all the way across…” Cecil replied.
Boomerang looked at the various posts sticking up from the ground and “hmph”ed. “You can run. I’ll take the safer route.” With that, he jumped on the nearest post and then went from post to post to the other side of the room.
“Show-off,” Cecil and Zed muttered simultaneously.
Elmina had a plan. This was scary, for Elmina’s plans usually ended with something blowing up. This one, however, was different. “Zed, if princey hits the lava with an ice spell, you think it’d be safe to walk on it?”
The Wind Mouse shrugged. “Maybe. Thermodynamics isn’t my strong suit…” he said hesitantly.
“Well, it’s worth a shot, right?” Elmina asked.
“Sure, most things are, but…” Zed began.
Elmina turned her head to the prince. “You heard the mouse, princey; zap away!”
*
“ACK! HotHOThotHOThotHOThotHOOOOOOT!”
“’Worth a shot’, eh?!”
“I tried to tell you the risks, but you cut me off!”
“Well, don’t let me cut you off next time!”
“*snicker*chuckle*”
“Bite me, Jamie.”
“DON’T CALL ME ‘JAMIE’!”
*
“… it’s a dead end,” Elmina muttered to herself.
“At least James isn’t here to make any comments about getting lost in here,” Cecil said, referring to the bounty hunter’s decision to raid the treasure room first before looking for the item the others were looking for.
*scritch*scritch*
Zed’s ears pricked up. “What’s that sound?” the creature asked.
Suddenly something big and round burst through the wall, calling out loudly “Oh YEAH!” as soon as it was on the other side. It handed Cecil and Elmina a glass each of some sort of liquid and went on its way. A familiar vaguely Wind Mouse-like person followed it to the other side.
“Thanks, Kool-Aid Man!” the figure, Hanpan, said as he waved to the retreating round thing. He then turned his attention to Cecil and Elmina. “’Bout time you got here; I was getting impatient.” Elmina went for her sword and Cecil for a Crest Graph. Hanpan idly waved a hand at them and said, “Hey, hey, calm down, I don’t wanna fight you.” The two froze in place and stared at him, both rather confused at the Hiadan’s behavior. “You see, I like you guys. You drive my boss crazy in ways I never thought imaginable. You should have seen the expression on his face when he found out you got in touch with the Guardians! I thought his head was going to explode!” he continued, grinning evilly at the memory. “My family, they don’t think I’m worth anything. I don’t see why they think it; I mean, I’m smart, I’m strong, and darn it, I’m cute, but ironically even the biggest dumbass out of them, my brother Belselk who’s waiting for you up ahead, thinks he’s better than me. So, to show them I can be just as mean and spiteful as the lot of them, I’m gonna let you pass and hopefully you’ll kick big brother’s arse. The schmuck needs a little humbling anyway.”
The pair looked at each other, then to Hanpan again, then blinked. “Er, thanks…” Cecil said.
“Eh, don’t worry ‘bout it,” Hanpan told him. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and drew one out. “Say, before you two go, either of you got a light?” Elmina, seeing no reason why she shouldn’t oblige him, took out her lighter and lit the cigarette. “Thanks. Say, you’re not bad-looking for a human…”
Elmina smiled at him and said, “And you’re kinda cute for one of your kind.” She soon found herself being dragged away.
“Hate to break up this love connection, but if we just sit here yapping, we’ll never get that Red Malice thing we need from here,” Cecil said. He stopped for a moment, turned back to Hanpan, and said, “Thanks again,” before heading off again.
Hanpan nodded in the exiting prince’s direction. “Humans, eh? They don’t seem so bad…” he muttered.
*
When the duo got to Belselk, they saw something utterly disturbing.
“Oooooooooh, hit me, baby, one more time!” Belselk sang along with the woman on his Walkman as he did a little dance, looking in the opposite direction of the prince and warrior.
Cecil stared in disbelief for a moment, then turned to Elmina. “Well, damn, I’m actually speechless for once, ‘Mina,” he said.
The warrior woman replied, “I’d be too if I were you.”
The insectoid demon turned around and saw the pair. He quickly took off the headphones and tucked the Walkman away somewhere. “You never saw or heard that,” he said.
“Already trying to forget it, bizarre nightmare-inducing as it is,” the prince, never one to pass up a chance to comment on something, said.
Belselk held his ball-and-chain at ready. “Wait’ll you get a load of me…”
*
Mistress,
the Innocent One has come in contact with Belselk…
“Already? Well, go tell my child what he has to do now then…”
*
Boomerang was hastily shoving treasures into a sack when Lucied appeared to him. “You’re back. Where do you keep going off to, or is that information classified?” he said.
It is not important right now. Right now, you must… the guardian began until she noticed a light at the top of one of the four pillars in the room had lit up.
“I take it what you were about to say has something to do with that,” the bounty hunter said.
*
A darkness started collecting in Belselk. “This place amplifies the power of darkness. You have no chance of survival,” he said, the darkness slowing going beyond him, trying to fill the room.
*
*shink!*CRASH!*
*
The darkness started to fade. “What the…?!” the demon cried out.
*
Another one’s lit!
*shink!*CRASH!*
*
The darkness faded faster. “This… this cannot be…!”
*
“And there’s another one!”
*shink!*CRASH!*
*
The darkness faded quicker still. “Emma said it was sure to work!”
*
Last one!
“Got it!”
*shink!*CRASH!*
*
The darkness was gone, leaving Belselk at the same level of power he started at. “Hmph, well, I didn’t need that machine anyway to take out a couple of piddling humans!” he said, trying to sound as sure as he could.
Cecil smirked. “Feh, if you could do that, then why pick a fight here, you big sissy?” he smarted off, a Crest Graph in hand.
“Silence, human! We shall see who the victor is!” Belselk bellowed.
The prince nodded and replied, “Indeed. Elmina, let’s prove him wrong.”
*
Mistress, you child is starting to wonder where I go when I am not with him.
“He’ll find out soon enough. For now, let’s see how powerful his friends are. If they can beat Belselk, they just might have a chance…”
*
The battle wasn’t going as well as either side would have liked. Belselk was wearing down slowly, but the warrior woman, who had been the only one on her side on the offensive, and the prince, who had to worry about keeping any particularly painful wounds healed for the both of them, were quickly going down on their last legs. “Heh… heheh… you’re not bad for a couple of weak humans, but not good enough to defeat me!” Belselk boasted. Any other taunts he might have said were cut off, just as his tail was by a well-aimed boomerang. “What?!”
Boomerang landed in front of Elmina and Cecil. He turned his head a little to see how the others were doing but not enough to let the insectoid demon completely leave his line of sight. “I got tired of waiting for you and went to see what was taking so long. Guess I got here in time.” He then turned full attention back to Belselk. “I’ve heard stories about you. Momma said you were a bed-wetter, and seeing you now, I can believe it. I can’t believe these two haven’t won yet.”
Cecil dusted himself off and stood next to the bounty hunter. “Well, we wanted to save you some in case you might like to join in the fun, Jamie,” he said, his tone just as confident as “Jamie’s” was.
Boomerang smirked behind the visor. “Awfully kind of you. Shall we finish this then?”
“Of course. ‘Mina, you in too?” the prince said.
Elmina turned to the prince. “Damn straight, I am!” she declared.
… this ain’t good… Belselk thought before the battle began anew.
*
“Humans are such interesting creatures. Give them a glimmer of hope, and they’ll cling to it and sometimes even make it grow.”
Indeed, mistress. That is why my kind need them; alone, they are weak, but united, they can change the world.
“Too bad they fear what they do not know…”
Not all of them react badly because of that. You should know that for certain; you married one of those who don’t.
“Yeah. Maybe when this is over, I…”
*
Cecil gingerly poked Belselk with the end of this staff. “He’s not moving. Think he’s dead or just pretending?” he asked.
Boomerang was standing next to Cecil. “I don’t think he’s pretending, but you never know…”
Elmina came out of the room that was just beyond where Belselk was standing when the battle started. She held up a red jewel for the boys to see. “Hey, ARM boy, you’d probably know better than I would. This the thing we were looking for?”
The bounty hunter nodded and muttered under his breath, “’ARM boy’… I suppose it’s a step up from ‘Jamie’…”
Cecil, still not turning his attention from the heap that was Belselk, said, “Guess we can go now. Anyone up for a test run of the new Escape spell I got?”
“… you mean we won’t gotta deal with the lava?” Elmina asked.
“Yep,” the prince told her, “But-“
She cut the boy off. “Well then, let’s go!”
“…if it messes up, we might not get there or get there all rearranged,” the prince muttered, “Oh well, here goes nothing…”
*
The group appeared at the entrance with an audible “ping!” Cecil quickly gave himself and the others a quick visual check to make sure everyone was in one piece and/or that all the parts belonging to someone still did belong to that person.
“ … Why are you looking at us like you’re surprised we’re still alive?” Boomerang asked.
Cecil tried to look innocent and said, “Oh, no reason. No reason whatsoever…”
Elmina whispered to Boomerang, “Don’t mind him. The boy’s never been quite right in the head.”
Cecil made a face and said, “I heard that, ‘Mina.”
*
Belselk slowly got back to his feet. “Those humans… impossible… they weren’t supposed to win…”
“Humans can do amazing things when pressed, little brother,” a female voice told him.
Belselk snorted. “That’s why you like them so much, eh?” he replied snidely. “Why don’t you show yourself, coward?”
A dark-skinned woman with long, bright orange hair and toting some sort of large metal item on her back landed in front of Belselk. A shadow that formed into a dark gray wolf appeared next to her. “I am not a coward; I was simply dissatisfied with Mother’s, and later Zeikfried’s, goals and left. Besides, you’re one to talk. Really, needing to enhance your own powers to win against two humans who have yet to reach their full potential… you’re pathetic,” she said in a matter-of-fact, no-nonsense tone.
“I wanted to defeat them quickly. I would have won anyway if that stranger in black hadn’t have shown up,” Belselk replied in defense of himself. “He was no human; humans aren’t that strong…” No sooner had he said that, a light went on in his head. “That stranger… I knew you always had a fascination for humans, but I never thought you would… you would… ugh, it makes me sick to even THINK about it!”
“Then you don’t know me very well,” the woman told him. She took the metal item and released a catch on it, revealing it was a boomerang with a sharp edge, much like the one James carried with him. “They made a very nice showing, those people… I would have preferred that they had made sure the job was finished, but whatcha gonna do?” she said with a shrug.
Belselk’s eyes widened as realization of what she was going to do set in. “Sister, you aren’t… You CAN’T!”
“I am. As the humans might say, ‘You are the weakest link. Goodbye,’” she said before the boomerang flew its deadly path.
“Ceilidh… why?” Belselk managed to get out a few seconds after being sliced diagonally in two.
The woman, Ceilidh, caught the blunt side of the boomerang on its return trip and said, “Because my honor denies the perfect prey to me, I do what I can to protect it from those blind or stupid enough to not see its significance and wills its destruction.” With that, she left and the shadowy wolf vanished…
*
End
Chibi’s notes:
Yep, Jamie’s long-absent mom finally made her appearance. This chapter, if for no other reason than the Kool-Aid Man cameo, is one of the strangest yet. I’m still not sure how that got in there, let alone how Hanpan and Elmina flirting did as well. Oh well.
James: “Honor denies the perfect prey”…? The hell? *Scratches his head*
Jamie, honey, don’t ask. You’ll figure it out eventually.
James: DON’T CALL ME… oh, why do I even bother? -_-;;