Wild ARMs: Off on a Tangent

By: Chibi-chan

Part 5b: “Laine’s Bogus Journey”

*

A robed figure with a funny-looking gold mask made a satisfied noise. Its work in Saint Centaur was almost complete. One more person after this one right there and everyone in town would be “seeded”. The figure turned to its latest subject and said, “You will remember none of this.”

“I will remember none of this,” the subject repeated.

“Emma is the greatest mad scientist on Filgaia today,” the figure, most likely Emma, said.

Instead of repeating Emma, the subject said, “Emma is a quack.” Emma, annoyed, sent him to the bottom of Cage Tower.

“That smartass can find his own way home,” she grumbled before she teleported off to report to… someone.

*

Laine opened her eyes. She was looking at an unfamiliar ceiling. She sat herself up and looked around. Where am I? she thought.

A mysterious person in black armor with a visor over his/her/it/whatever’s face walked in the room, followed by a dark gray (bordering on black) wolf. “So, you’re awake. Now would you mind telling me what you were doing in the middle of nowhere holding a funny-looking piece of stone?” the person said.

“Uh, only if you can tell me who you are and where I am…” Laine said softly.

The wolf looked at the figure as if to say, “Boy, you had better mind your manners!” The figure took a step forward and said, “Well, that seems reasonable. I am James ‘Boomerang’ Maxwell, world-renowned bounty hunter and hunter of the perfect prey. My companion here is called Lucied. You are currently in Saint Centaur, which locals claim is the safest town around.”

“Lucied?! As in ‘Guardian of Desire’ Lucied?!” Laine said in disbelief.

“Well, sort of. There was an incident long ago that split her into two different aspects. In short, she’s only half the wolf she used to be- OW!“ Boomerang was quickly interrupted by a mildly-annoyed Guardian nipping his hand. “Lucied! I thought I asked you to stop doing that!”

Laine couldn’t help but giggle a little. “I don’t think you’re qualified to give a Guardian instructions, Jamie.”

Although Laine couldn’t see it due to the visor, “Jamie” glared at her. “Don’t call me ‘Jamie’, man,” he said.

Laine blinked twice in confusion. “’Man’? What do you mean, ‘man’?”

Boomerang was a bit taken aback. “You’re… not a man?” he said, puzzled.

“Do I look like a ma…” Laine started. She just then realized she was still in her male guise. “… er, never mind. Stupid question,” she finished. She noticed her things were on a nearby table. “Um, do you mind leaving for a moment? I want to make myself more presentable…”

Boomerang shrugged. “I guess not,” he said before he exited with Lucied.

*

After an unspecified amount of time, Laine stepped out of the room. What she was wearing now was not entirely unlike what she was wearing before, except that the old beat-up red vest she wore was now buttoned and she had a skirt on instead of jeans. The bindings she wore to keep her femininity a secret were now off, but it didn’t particularly make that big a difference. “Do I still look like a man to you now?”

“Yeah, but this time you look like one in drag,” Boomerang replied.

Few things truly pissed Laine off, and being likened to a man in drag was one of them. “EXCUSE ME?! ‘Man in drag’? Why you… you…” The rest of the sentence will not be typed out for it involves words and phrases that would make a nun go bald, a sailor blush, and Cid Highwind to drop the cigarette from his mouth.

Needless to say, these afore-mentioned words and phrases had an effect on Boomerang as well. “Well, someone here needs their mouth washed out with soap and it sure ain’t me!” he commented, trying not to let her get to him.

“And someone here needs to learn how to talk properly to a woman, and it isn’t me!” Laine retorted.

“And someone needs to get a sense of humor!” Boomerang said in a louder tone than before.

“And SOMEONE needs to learn to be funny in the first place!” Laine yelled at him.

This went back and forth for a good five minutes before Lucied finally got fed up and nipped them both in an effort to shut them both the hell up. Unfortunately, it only succeeded in getting them both mad at her, causing both to vent their frustrations out on her. Lucied laid down on the floor and put her paws over her snout, a gesture that seemed to say, "When will I learn to not meddle in human affairs…?"

*

“Cage Tower? Isn’t that some kinda monster-trapping machine?” Laine asked the town authority person.

“Well, yes, but for some reason people have been being abducted and end up in the vicinity of the tower,” the town authority figure said. “Also, there is a creature called a ‘Night Gaunt’ that has been spotted in the area and because of the abductions, we further fear for the safety of the abductees with such a monster around…”

“Is there a bounty on it then?” Boomerang asked.

“Well, yes, but…” the town authority person began.

“Good, then it’s settled. I’m going,” said Boomerang as he turned to the door.

“And I am too. Not for the bounty, you understand, but I just don’t want to stay in one place,” Laine added. Especially since I’m sorta wanted for stealing the Tear Drop…

Boomerang turned to look at her. “The Cage Tower is no place for a lady.”

Laine looked around. “Well, when you find one, be sure to tell her that,” she said sincerely.

Considering that his face was obscured, Boomerang still managed to look completely exasperated at Laine’s comment. “I’m stuck with you now, aren’t I?” he muttered.

Laine nodded. “That you are, Jamie,” she said with a grin.

“I told you NOT to call me ‘JAMIE’!” Boomerang nearly screamed in response.

It starts again… Lucied thought.

*

It was dark and starting to rain when our insipid… er, intrepid heroes made it to Cage Tower. It wasn’t quite what they expected to see, to say the least.

“Looks like a jungle gym with stairs,” Laine muttered. She turned to Boomerang. “Do you think it’s safe to explore with the weather like this and all? One lightning bolt could take all three of us out…” As if to illustrate her point, a clap of thunder could be heard nearby.

Boomerang nodded. “We should wait until this clears up. I know a place that’ll be safe nearby,” he said. He began to walk towards the east. “This way,” he simply stated. The others started to follow him.

*

“This is… an Naga Pyramid?” Laine asked, looking around the interior of the “safe place” Boomerang mentioned.

“You’ve heard of them before then, I take it?” Boomerang said.

“Yeah…” Laine shuddered. “There’s something wrong here. I… I can feel it.”

“Like what?” Boomerang asked, confused.

“I can’t put my finger on it, but it just feels… it feels…” Laine sighed and shook her head. “It’s like… it’s empty, devoid of life. It’s not natural… It doesn’t seem like something the Naga would create-“ Before she could finish her thought, she just froze in place suddenly. Lucied looked towards the entrance to the next room, seemingly puzzled about something. The Guardian then ran to the next room.

“Lucied? Laine? What’s going on here?!” Boomerang demanded to know.

“You can’t feel it? The pyramid…” Laine whispered. She then went to join the Guardian.

Boomerang was mildly annoyed. What’s so damn fascinating about the next room? he thought. With a shrug, he went to join the others.

*

Boomerang was a bit surprised by what he saw in the next room. By a bit surprised, I mean the sight in the room confused him greatly. “That weird little platform… does that light mean it’s working now?” he muttered to no one in particular. “Is this what you felt, Laine? This thing turning itself on?”

Laine nodded. “If I remember what grandfather said right, when this is activated, it can turn life into pure energy and teleport it somewhere else,” she said.

“Teleport where?” Boomerang asked. Laine merely shrugged. “Well, we shouldn’t just loiter around here. I’m going to go see if the rain’s stopped…” With that, Boomerang left the room.

“Maybe… it can take me to a place to hide out for a while…” Laine whispered softly. Or… It’ll take me right back to Cecil and Elmina…

*

Emma was getting impatient. Where the hell is that girl with the crystal?! I can’t sit around here all day! At least the rain’s stopped… she thought.

*

“This place still doesn’t look too safe…” Laine mumbled under her breath. Even though the rain had stopped, the skies were still very much gray, something Laine took as a sign of bad things to come. The whole tower was soaked, seeing as walls weren’t exactly a necessity in the mind of the one who designed Cage Tower, so the floors and stairs were rather slippery. Lucied decided to take the shortcut up and vanished, presumably teleporting herself to the top floor. Boomerang was already a floor ahead of Laine and most likely grumbling about the conditions of the tower. If I see one more set of stairs, I’ll… She found herself standing in front of a high ladder. A high, slippery ladder. A high slippery ladder with rounded rungs. In short, it was an accident ready to happen. Laine paused for a moment, then yelled, “WHY CAN’T THESE STUPID RUINS EVER HAVE ELEVATORS?!? ARGH!!”

*

Laine finally made it to the top of the tower. Three pillars were protruding from the top with a strange pattern stationed on the floor within the triangle they formed. Boomerang was investigating one of the pillars as Laine went to look at the strange pattern on the floor. It was right when she was about to step inside the triangle when Boomerang noticed her. “Uh, Laine, don’t go in-“ Too late. A pyramid-shaped barrier locked Laine inside the triangle. “-there,” Boomerang finished. “Didn’t anyone teach you not to step on strange things on the floor?” he asked.

“……………… just get me out of this, OK?” Laine mumbled, trying not to look embarrassed.

“I would if I knew how to…” Boomerang muttered. Lucied had just teleported herself to the top of the structure. She looked around, as if she sensed something wasn’t right there.

As if on cue, Emma teleported in, carrying a cappuccino cup. “You would show up during my coffee break. Oh well,” she said. She turned her attention to Laine, who was trapped in the pyramid thing. “My, my, what have we got here? A little Tear Drop thief?” Emma chuckled and advanced forward towards Laine, but the barrier prevented her from getting to Laine. “That’s odd… how could a human trigger the device? Unless…” Emma began to think. Blue hair, red eyes, and I can’t sense any magic aside from the Tear Drop and that half-Guardian… It adds up to only one thing. “I thought your kind was wiped out ages ago, little girl. Looks like I was wrong,” Emma said. “I guess this foils my plan to get the Tear Drop for now. Oh well, I can just finish up my work in Saint Centaur while I wait for a second chance. Ta ta, darlings!” Emma vanished from sight as the Night Gaunt came in for a landing.

Boomerang looked to Lucied. “Let’s go…” he said. Then the duo went in for the attack as Laine took out a deck of cards and began to play a round of Solitaire. Bolts of purple lightning from the Guardian wizzed at the demonic dragon-like monster as a really big boomerang clonked it in the head. On its way back, the boomerang cut through on of the pillars, thus disabling the pyramid thing, and just barely went over Laine’s head as she calmly put a queen of spades on a king of diamonds.

Laine blinked twice. “So… does this mean I have to fight now?” she asked. The Night Gaunt, a little annoyed and hurt, summoned multiple small-scale tornados and sent them flying at its opponents.

“That would be nice, yes,” Boomerang snapped after being sent flying back a few feet.

“OK, then let me get a clear shot!” She said as she took out her old reliable Hand Cannon ARM.

She has an ARM?! Maybe she’s not as defenseless than I thought… Boomerang thought. “Sure thing. Don’t miss,” he told her as he threw the boomerang again.

Lucied lunged and the monster and proceeded to maim it to the best of her ability. C’mon, c’mon, move, MOVE! Laine thought as she was trying to line up a shot without hitting the Guardian (Guardian or not, Lucied’s not invulnerable, ya know).

Boomerang noticed Laine’s distress. “Lucied, fall back!” he ordered. Unfortunately, he really isn’t in any position to order a Guardian around, so his command fell on deaf ears. Oh hell, he thought as he caught the boomerang, looks like I’ll have to use my “special weapon”… He leapt high in the air, higher than any normal person could, and landed on the other side of the Night Gaunt. He drew out a small sidearm and fired. Either Lucied was gunshy or she had done as much damage as she could, for she teleported away. “Laine, NOW!” Boomerang yelled.

“Right! Lock On!” she said before she put a really big hole through Mister Night Gaunt. The monster fell on the top of the tower with a dull “thump!”.

“Well, guess I can collect that bounty now,” Boomerang said.

“Money?! How can you think of money at a time like this?! That weird… whatever it was said it had to ‘finish up some work’ in Saint Centaur! We have to go back to town quickly!” a rather annoyed Laine told Boomerang.

“It’s not like I wasn’t going back anyway; I need to get paid for getting rid of this thing. Why’re you so bitchy anyway? That time of the month?” he asked. Unfortunately for him, he had managed to push the wrong buttons on Laine again and this time she decked him and stormed off. “Crimeny, she hits hard for a chick…” he muttered to no one in particular.

*

Owowowow, my hand hurts… Laine thought as she reached the town’s gate. She entered the town and saw… nothing. There were no people walking around, no animals, no living things other than the Memory Bird. Is this what that thing meant? It meant to wipe out the town? Why…! Something she heard in the Guardian Shrine clicked in her head. The seal! The Guardian Statue! I have to find it! she though as she made a mad dash to the site where she saw a big statue of Ione Paua, the Saint Guardian. When she got there, it was completely destroyed. “I failed…”

For some reason, she was compelled to take out the Tear Drop from her travel pouch. The crystal was glowing as a weak mysterious voice spoke. Child… demons… one left…protect… The pieces of the statue glowed as a piece of stone appeared in Laine’s free hand.

“A rune… I see, even if I can’t get the whole message. I shall do my best to protect the Tear Drop and the last seal…” Laine whispered. I wonder… are there any survivors of whatever happened here? She decided to search the buildings for any survivors.

*

Just one girl and she refused to leave… Laine thought as she took one last look at the town she had just left. She must be crazy to want to stay among the monsters… She looked ahead. Perhaps the pyramid will take me to the next seal…

*

This is the land of the Lightning Statue, that seals the evil heart!

*

Intermission/End Part 5

If you haven’t read the first half, do so already!

Chibi’s notes:

Took me bloody long enough to get this done, eh? Oh well, at least you get 14 pages of insane rewriting goodness this time around! ^_^

Rudy: *Flatly* Hooray for us. Woo hoo. *WHAM!*

Ignore the sarcastic Holmcross, please.